


Absolutely Positive

by sara47q



Series: Crazy is the New Normal [4]
Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Other, Threesome - F/M/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sara47q/pseuds/sara47q
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy takes a million pregnancy tests and she and the guys discuss their results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolutely Positive

Darcy wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting on the floor when she heard a heard a hesitant knock on the door, followed by Steve quietly asking if she was ok. She wasn’t sure how to answer him, so she just kept sitting, staring at the little pieces of plastic around the sink. Five minutes later, she heard a pounding knock, and knew Steve had gone to get Tony. He tried the handle and was clearly unhappy that he couldn’t get in.   
“Darcy! What the hell is going on in there! No one’s seen you since before lunch!”  
Steve was calmer when saying, “Just let us know you’re ok.”

She took a deep breath and whispered, “JARVIS, go ahead and let them in.”

She heard a click and they came in, clearly worried. She felt bad for ignoring everyone all day, but sometimes you needed to freak out on your own.

“Darcy, what the hell is going on in here and what have you done to make my A.I. obey you over me?”

He’d been looking at her but he turned around to see what she was looking at. He turned back to her, eyes wider than usual. He’d obviously figured it out.

Steve sat down next to her and put his arm around her, rubbing circles into her shoulder and asking, “Darcy, what’s the matter?”

She leaned into him, unable to look either of them while she went into a rushed and rambling explanation.

“I was watching some stupid romantic comedy with Jane. She thinks she’s cheering me up because I’m supposedly sad and pathetic and have no boyfriend, since we haven’t told anyone about us. And instead of laughing at the end like I usually would, I cried! Me! Then Jane said ‘oh, you’re pretty emotional, must be that time of the month’ and I said ‘yeah, probably’ but then I thought about it, and I haven’t had a period since we started sleeping together, and it’s been more than 2 months! I should have noticed since we’ve been able to have all the sex without an interruption from Aunt Flo, but I guess I was more like “sex, yay!” instead of paying attention. So I went out and bought a shit-ton of pregnancy tests and they were all positive! One of them even says PREGNANT, like, in case I needed it spelled out for me! How is that even possible! I’m on the pill! You guys always wear condoms! We’re the poster children for safe sex! Somebody’s soldiers are extra super, and now I’m pregnant.”

She finally sneaked a peek at them, trying to gauge their reactions but she couldn’t see Steve’s face from this angle and Tony’s back was to her. He had gone over to look at all of her pregnancy tests, lined up on the sink and the back of the toilet.

“This is pretty impressive. How did you manage to take so many?”  
“A couple of hours and the biggest Icee they had.”

He nodded and turned around. “That would probably do it.” He sat down on the other side of her. “Planning on leaving the bathroom anytime soon?”

“Nope. Real world out there. Plus, this bathroom is pretty fancy schmancy. I think I could live in here. “

Steve squeezed her shoulder and said, “I think it would be pretty cramped in here with the three of us after awhile.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. It was actually the stillest she’d ever seen Tony, he was usually always moving, always doing something with his hands. Now they were all just sitting on the floor, staring at the sink with its array of pregnancy tests. She finally couldn’t look at them anymore and leaned her head back against Steve’s arm and closed her eyes.

Tony finally broke the silence. “What do you want to do?”

“Kiss Coulson on the mouth for giving me a SHEILD job with good medical benefits. I can actually afford to have a baby. I wonder what maternity leave is like for shady government agencies.”

Tony waved a hand, “That should be the least of your worries.”

She stood up abruptly, hands on hips. “I’m not with you for your goddamned money, Tony Stark! I can take care of myself!”

Tony cocked an eyebrow and Steve looked confused. “I know you told me about the women’s liberation, but it’s not still customary for men to take care of their wives and children?”

“Wives? I’m not a wife! I’m the secret fuck buddy of two of the Avengers!” She knew she was probably over-reacting, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. It was like all of her fears from the time they’d started sleeping together had come out without her permission. She still sometimes worried that they’d get bored with their little experiment of adding her into their relationship and she’d go back to just being a buddy.

Steve looked a little stunned and Tony was starting to look less amused and more steamed. Both stood up, and Tony asked very calmly, “Darcy, where are you right now?”

“Is this a trick question? I’m in the bathroom.”

“Who’s bathroom?”  
She sighed. “Yours.”  
“That’s right. The bathroom in my private, penthouse apartment. And how did you get in?”

“Key.”

“Yes, with your own key. Exactly four people in the world have a key to my front door, and three of them are in this room. I think you’ll agree that qualifies you as more than just a fuck buddy.”

“We never really talked about all of this. We were just friends, roommates, people who liked each other and had lots of spectacular sex. “

“While it may be true that without Steve’s constant praise and insisting you move in, I may not have noticed you beyond, to use your terms, “boobs, yay” I can assure you that there are feelings on my part.”

“What Tony is trying to say is that we were both developing more-than-friendly feelings before we started having sex. I know it hadn’t occurred to me that we could all be together, but I’m not sorry that we are.”

She looked a little stunned by their confessions.

Tony finally said, “The only reason we haven’t told anyone about this is you, honey.”

“It’s none of their business! I don’t want them to judge us. They’ll say you’re a dirty old man, I’m a whore, and Steve is our innocent victim.”

“I’m no one’s innocent victim!”

“Why do you care what other people think? I never have.” Like the world didn’t know that Tony Stark didn’t care what people think.  
“I just….like what we have and I don’t want other people’s judgy pants to ruin it. Plus….you’re Iron Man and Captain America. What if someone tries to use me or the baby against you? Can we just keep it to ourselves for a little while longer?”

Steve looked over at her. “I don’t think you’ll be able to hide it for very long. And you’ll need to see a doctor.”

“I don’t want to see a SHIELD doctor. I can find one on my own. One who hopefully won’t hound me about who the baby’s father is.”

“Let me at least tell Pepper. She can find you a doctor.”  
“Ok.”

“Ok? Just like that?”

“You trust Pepper. I’m in awe of Pepper. She’s the 4th person with a key, isn’t she?”  
Tony nodded.

“How are you guys not freaking out?”  
Tony looked amused. “I have years of practice. And have you ever actually seen Steve freak out?”

She thought about it, and then said with a wicked grin, “No, I guess the closest would be how flustered he got the night we took turns giving him blow jobs until he almost passed out.”

“That was for science!”  
Steve looked embarrassed that they’d brought that up again. “How was that for science?”

“It was our duty to see what the effects of the super soldier serum were on a man’s refractory period. For science.” Tony was very emphatic.

“If I’d realized science was that fun maybe I’d have majored in biology instead of political science.”

Steve decided to change the subject and took her hand, asking, “Can we leave the bathroom now?”  
“I guess.”

 They went out to the bedroom, and she felt like she’d been in a vacuum and suddenly there were sounds and colors and textures. “Thanks for talking me down, guys. Is this going to be ok? I can move out if it’s not.”

Steve looked at her seriously. “It’s going to be different. But between the three of us, it will be ok. A baby is a blessing and we will find a way to make it work.”  
  


She looked up at Tony, knowing that of the three of them, he was probably the one who would have the biggest problem with suddenly having to settle down. He looked back and forth between Darcy and Steve, finally saying, “Of course it will be. We save the world, we can completely handle one tiny baby.”

Darcy beamed at him. “Ok. Ok. Sorry for freaking out. This is just….big.”

“Right now it’s probably pretty small.”

She rolled her eyes at Tony, who just shot her a cocky grin. “You’re thinking of distracting me with sex, aren’t you?”  
“Well, it did just occur to me that we can’t get you any more pregnant…”

“Can we eat first? I haven’t had anything since popcorn with Jane, and that was like-“

Jarvis interrupted her, “Six hours ago, Miss Darcy. It is not good for the baby to wait so long without eating.”

“Food first it is then,” Steve said firmly, using his Captain America voice.  
“Then lots of sex afterwards?” Darcy asked hopefully.

“As much as you think you can handle,” Steve said.

She wiggled her eyebrows at them, “I bet I can handle more  than Tony.”

Tony grinned. “Challenge accepted.”


End file.
